i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
