I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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