i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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