Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize