she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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