apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
