He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He shit in the fireplace
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
