i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
