He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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