I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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