Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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