Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
