i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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