Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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