whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
