Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
