i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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