I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm always down for nudity.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
