a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
