epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
