Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
