video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
