Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
