so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
