My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
PANTIES FOUND
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