Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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