no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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