one two three fourrrrnication!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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