He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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