If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
