just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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