I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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