The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
