Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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