am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
