Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He felt like a one man threesome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
