Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this just has baby written all over it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
