not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
