Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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