well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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