i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
