As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she peed on how many people?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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