I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
