Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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