More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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