He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dignity is for republicans.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
