I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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