party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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