i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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