I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
