forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
